Monday, January 23, 2006
Fucken mormons just broke one of my chairs. No one else has ever broken a chair. He said he was too heavy. But I've sat on it and its never broke. I think he was leaning back and doin wheelies.
Did he offer to pay for pay for the chair. No.
Did he offer to pay for pay for the chair. No.
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Me "Thats $4 thanks."
Him "$4 but I was 40 minutes."
Me "Yes 30 minutes $3 more than 30 minutes $4."
Him "You should have informed of us that when we started."
Me "What am I clearvoyant? You're going to be 40 minutes, thats going to be $4."
Him "$4 but I was 40 minutes."
Me "Yes 30 minutes $3 more than 30 minutes $4."
Him "You should have informed of us that when we started."
Me "What am I clearvoyant? You're going to be 40 minutes, thats going to be $4."
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Her "I like minimum, 5 minutes no more."
Me I like fuck you up the anus while bark like a dog.
Me I like fuck you up the anus while bark like a dog.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
Him "What drinks do you have for 50 cents? Do you have coffe for 50 cents?"
Him "Do you got Mazilla Fox Fire on here? or just Internet Explorer?"
Him "Do you got Google? I suppose I can just get Google."
Him "Do you got Mazilla Fox Fire on here? or just Internet Explorer?"
Him "Do you got Google? I suppose I can just get Google."
Monday, October 10, 2005
Him "I would like to take a machine for one hour." And gets $4 out of his wallet.
Me "Sure just take a machine and pay when you'er finished."
Him "What"
Me "Pay when you'er finished."
Him "Pardon"
Me "Pay when you'er finished."
Him "Eh"
Me "Pay when you'er finished."
Him "No" and leaves.
Me "Sure just take a machine and pay when you'er finished."
Him "What"
Me "Pay when you'er finished."
Him "Pardon"
Me "Pay when you'er finished."
Him "Eh"
Me "Pay when you'er finished."
Him "No" and leaves.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
German girl "Do you have any with Windows XP?"
Me "Yep those ones there but the are $6 per hour."
German girl "Why do the cost more?"
because the have Windows XP? and Windows XP costs more than Windows 98?
German girl "Do they have card readers?"
Me "Yep." and having card readers costs more than not having card readers....
Me "Yep those ones there but the are $6 per hour."
German girl "Why do the cost more?"
because the have Windows XP? and Windows XP costs more than Windows 98?
German girl "Do they have card readers?"
Me "Yep." and having card readers costs more than not having card readers....
Friday, September 23, 2005
German couple at the door wich is locked "Are you open?"
Me are you insane? "No."
Him "Do you know of somwhere else that is open?"
Me clearly they are insane "No."
Me are you insane? "No."
Him "Do you know of somwhere else that is open?"
Me clearly they are insane "No."
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
First customer of the day.
Him "Do any of your computer have Windows XP?"
Me "Yes these ones here do." The ones by the big yellow sign that says "This computer Windows XP."
Him "It says 'Access Denied' - Hey mate I've got a problem here, It says 'Access Denied'".
So I go over and have look. And he's trying to install Skype.
Me "You can't install Skype on my computers."
Him "Do you have one that I can install Skype on?"
Never mind what you thought you were going to do for a microphone and speakers. Or maybe he meant "Do you have Windows XP and can I put whatever the fuck I like software on there, and then pay you piss all?"
Him "Do any of your computer have Windows XP?"
Me "Yes these ones here do." The ones by the big yellow sign that says "This computer Windows XP."
Him "It says 'Access Denied' - Hey mate I've got a problem here, It says 'Access Denied'".
So I go over and have look. And he's trying to install Skype.
Me "You can't install Skype on my computers."
Him "Do you have one that I can install Skype on?"
Never mind what you thought you were going to do for a microphone and speakers. Or maybe he meant "Do you have Windows XP and can I put whatever the fuck I like software on there, and then pay you piss all?"
Monday, June 06, 2005
Him after comming form a computer "Do they all cost the same?"
Me "What does that one say?" (It says "This computer costs more")
Him "Thats what I'm asking you. Do they all cost the same?"
Me "Why would that one say it costs more if they all cost the same?"
Him "Its okay I'll go somewhere else."
Yep "You do that" cock. It'll cost more somewhere else.
Me "What does that one say?" (It says "This computer costs more")
Him "Thats what I'm asking you. Do they all cost the same?"
Me "Why would that one say it costs more if they all cost the same?"
Him "Its okay I'll go somewhere else."
Yep "You do that" cock. It'll cost more somewhere else.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Me "Excuse me," as shes walking out the door, "you need to pay."
Her "I asked you if I needed to pay or not."
Me "I thought you ment 'Do I need to pay first?'"
I mean as if you dont need to pay!
Your a pretty cheeky little slut really. It be a great buisness model if no one had to pay wouldn't it. Odd too that you have the correct amount of money in your hand ready to go. Next time you don't want to pay do me sexual favours first.
Her "I asked you if I needed to pay or not."
Me "I thought you ment 'Do I need to pay first?'"
I mean as if you dont need to pay!
Your a pretty cheeky little slut really. It be a great buisness model if no one had to pay wouldn't it. Odd too that you have the correct amount of money in your hand ready to go. Next time you don't want to pay do me sexual favours first.
Gidday Ben
Just installed this MB and realised the video out connector is not a normal type and is in fact a 9 pin male but should be an 11 pin female.
This wasn't stated on the auction and is of no use to me coz I can't plug my monitor into it.
Please advise your address as I want to return it and expect a full refund on this item.
My bank details are:
Bank: ANZ
Branch: Levin
Account Name:
Account Number:
Please advise asap.
Thanks
Trevor
Trevor,
What video connector? This board doesn't have video. Not all motherboards have video. There is no mention of video or connectors on the auction because the board doesn't have video.
You will need to use a seperate video card with it.
Thanks
Ben
Just installed this MB and realised the video out connector is not a normal type and is in fact a 9 pin male but should be an 11 pin female.
This wasn't stated on the auction and is of no use to me coz I can't plug my monitor into it.
Please advise your address as I want to return it and expect a full refund on this item.
My bank details are:
Bank: ANZ
Branch: Levin
Account Name:
Account Number:
Please advise asap.
Thanks
Trevor
Trevor,
What video connector? This board doesn't have video. Not all motherboards have video. There is no mention of video or connectors on the auction because the board doesn't have video.
You will need to use a seperate video card with it.
Thanks
Ben
Thursday, April 21, 2005
From : Tom Turner freedom.fighter@parad
Hi Ben,
I cannot get this board going because there is no manual and there are no
indications for the led pins etc. Can you send or email the necessary
information for the board layout and configuration etc please?
Kind regards,
Tom Turner
From : Ben Waller
To: Tom Turner freedom.fighter@parad
Was there a cd in the box? The mannual would have been an exe that makes a pdf file.
Ben
Hi Ben,
I cannot get this board going because there is no manual and there are no
indications for the led pins etc. Can you send or email the necessary
information for the board layout and configuration etc please?
Kind regards,
Tom Turner
From : Ben Waller
To: Tom Turner freedom.fighter@parad
Was there a cd in the box? The mannual would have been an exe that makes a pdf file.
Ben
Monday, April 18, 2005
Asain girl looks at the prices and says "Is there any other internet cafe around here?"
Or "You are too expensive."
Me "No, not that I know of"
Or "Go fuck yourself."
Or "You are too expensive."
Me "No, not that I know of"
Or "Go fuck yourself."
Friday, April 15, 2005
Me "Thats $2 thanks."
Her "$2 but I was only on for 15 minutes."
Thats right have a cry.
Me "All of the prices are just there."
Her quietly "I wish I'd never come here."
Her "$2 but I was only on for 15 minutes."
Thats right have a cry.
Me "All of the prices are just there."
Her quietly "I wish I'd never come here."
French or Hebrew guy "What do you mean fast inetnet?"
Me "Go away."
French or Hebrew guy "What?"
Me "Go away, I can't be bothered having this conversation."
French or Hebrew guy "You mean the internet is slow?"
Me "No, I just can't be bothered disscussing the speed of the inertnet with you all day."
French or Hebrew guy "You see I went to this other place and it took me 2 hours to upload 3 photos."
What you have failed to grasp is I don't care, how retarded you are, how big your penis is, or how exaggerated your stories are. I'm simply not interested in having this conversation.
Me "We don't upload photos. So there you go. Try somewhere else."
Me "Go away."
French or Hebrew guy "What?"
Me "Go away, I can't be bothered having this conversation."
French or Hebrew guy "You mean the internet is slow?"
Me "No, I just can't be bothered disscussing the speed of the inertnet with you all day."
French or Hebrew guy "You see I went to this other place and it took me 2 hours to upload 3 photos."
What you have failed to grasp is I don't care, how retarded you are, how big your penis is, or how exaggerated your stories are. I'm simply not interested in having this conversation.
Me "We don't upload photos. So there you go. Try somewhere else."
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Older American man "Do you do laptop hook up?"
Me "Yep I'll just show you the prices."
Older American man "What sort of throughput do you have?"
Me "Adsl"
Older American man "Adsl, thats not very fast. I was going to upload some photos."
Me Good luck with that, I'd don't think anyone else will be interested in your laptop.
Me "Yep I'll just show you the prices."
Older American man "What sort of throughput do you have?"
Me "Adsl"
Older American man "Adsl, thats not very fast. I was going to upload some photos."
Me Good luck with that, I'd don't think anyone else will be interested in your laptop.
Girl "How much does it cost to put photos from camera to CD?"
Me "Depends how big your card is. Basically from $7.00. All of the prices are just here."
Girl "Ok we will do that."
Me "That'll take about 45 minutes to do."
Girl nothing just stands there. After a few minutes I begin to wonder if shes going to move or just stand there for 45 minutes.
Me "Do you want to come back for these when they're ready or would you like to use the internet while you wait?"
Girl "We want to puts some of the photos on the internet, but now you have the card."
merp does not compute, merp will stand in fornt of you, merp does not compute ...
Me "Depends how big your card is. Basically from $7.00. All of the prices are just here."
Girl "Ok we will do that."
Me "That'll take about 45 minutes to do."
Girl nothing just stands there. After a few minutes I begin to wonder if shes going to move or just stand there for 45 minutes.
Me "Do you want to come back for these when they're ready or would you like to use the internet while you wait?"
Girl "We want to puts some of the photos on the internet, but now you have the card."
merp does not compute, merp will stand in fornt of you, merp does not compute ...
Him "Thats a good album. I used to listen to it 25 years ago when it was raining."
Me and its still raining today
Me and its still raining today
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Her "Is the internet here fast?"
Me "Its okay."
Her "Is it just okay or is fast?"
Me "Look, we could sit here all day discussing wether the internet is fast or not."
Her "Its just that some thing that might take me 10 minutes on my computer at home might take me 30 minutes here."
Me Shut up already. Use the fucking computer or piss off.
Me "Its okay."
Her "Is it just okay or is fast?"
Me "Look, we could sit here all day discussing wether the internet is fast or not."
Her "Its just that some thing that might take me 10 minutes on my computer at home might take me 30 minutes here."
Me Shut up already. Use the fucking computer or piss off.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Kiwi heavy metal drongo with baseball cap on. Him "Is it $1 for 15 minutes?"
Me "No, its $2for 15 minutes, all of the prices are just here."
He thinks about for a while looks around and as hes walking out the door he says "Its expensive man."
Me Get a grip its $2. Fuck you.
Me "No, its $2for 15 minutes, all of the prices are just here."
He thinks about for a while looks around and as hes walking out the door he says "Its expensive man."
Me Get a grip its $2. Fuck you.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Its a slaw day today.
Him "May I just plug in or do I need a code?"
Me "What do you mean plug in?"
Him "To the use internet."
Him "May I just plug in or do I need a code?"
Me "What do you mean plug in?"
Him "To the use internet."
Friday, March 18, 2005
Him "Can I use USB?"
Me "Yep you can use that one, but its $6 per hour."
Him "How much is it per hour?"
Me "Yep you can use that one, but its $6 per hour."
Him "How much is it per hour?"
Him "is your internet pretty fast?"
Me "What is it you want do?"
Him "A few emails and then access some international web sites."
Me "What is it you want do?"
Him "A few emails and then access some international web sites."
Monday, March 07, 2005
Her "Excuse me how do we get Google?"
Me "You just type it in the box at the top."
Me "You just type it in the box at the top."
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Japanese Guy "Can I use a floppy and print stuff out?"
Me "Yeah sure."
Japanese Guy "Any one?"
Me "Any one with a floppy drive." You've got a 1 in 7 chance of getting that wrong.
Yes he did choose the only computer without a floppy drive.
Me "Yeah sure."
Japanese Guy "Any one?"
Me "Any one with a floppy drive." You've got a 1 in 7 chance of getting that wrong.
Yes he did choose the only computer without a floppy drive.
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Him "Do I just start?"
Me "Yep."
Him "Do I put money in?"
Me "Yeah if you like."
Him "Where do I put the money in?"
You can put a fifty dollar note in the floppy drive if you like. I might even give you a lapdance if you do.
Me "Yep."
Him "Do I put money in?"
Me "Yeah if you like."
Him "Where do I put the money in?"
You can put a fifty dollar note in the floppy drive if you like. I might even give you a lapdance if you do.
Man on phone "Hi, do you have internet there?"
Her "Is it really slow today? It doesnt seam to be doing anything."
Me "Do you want Yahoo messenger or Yahoo mail?"
I think you will find it is you who is really slow today.
Me "Do you want Yahoo messenger or Yahoo mail?"
I think you will find it is you who is really slow today.
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Him "Hey mate how long for an hour?"
Me "How long for an hour?"
Him "Yep!"
Me "Four dollars."
Me "How long for an hour?"
Him "Yep!"
Me "Four dollars."
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Him "Whats the isp ?..."
Me thinking why the fuck do you want to know who my isp is?
Him "is it firefox or internet explorer?"
Me thinking why the fuck do you want to know who my isp is?
Him "is it firefox or internet explorer?"
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Japanese Girl "Excuse me do you open for fucks?"
Me "Pardon?"
Japanese Girl "Do you do fucks?"
Me "Sorry.."
Japanese Girl "Fucks, fucksimalie?"
Me "Pardon?"
Japanese Girl "Do you do fucks?"
Me "Sorry.."
Japanese Girl "Fucks, fucksimalie?"
Irish guy "How much is de internet?"
Me "All the prices are just there."
Irish guy "So its four dollars per hour den. Do you have USB to connect a camera?"
Me "No I dont, actually no-one is Nelson does."
Irish guy "I find dat hard to belive."
Me "Well go do the research yourself if you like."
Me "All the prices are just there."
Irish guy "So its four dollars per hour den. Do you have USB to connect a camera?"
Me "No I dont, actually no-one is Nelson does."
Irish guy "I find dat hard to belive."
Me "Well go do the research yourself if you like."
Her "Do you have piece of scrap paper?"
Me "Yep just there."
Her "No I need whole piece because its got to go through a fax."
So really you want a piece of paper. And I get her a a piece of paper from the printer.
Me "Yep just there."
Her "No I need whole piece because its got to go through a fax."
So really you want a piece of paper. And I get her a a piece of paper from the printer.
Monday, February 21, 2005
Theres 2 prints that have come out of the printer...
Her "Can I print?"
Me "Have you printed alreday?"
Her "Yes."
Me "Are these yours?" and hand her the prints.
Her "How much is that?"
Me "Are you all done? Are you finished?"
Her "No I'm going to do some email."
Me "Its OK you pay for it all together at the end."
Her "Can I print?"
Me "Have you printed alreday?"
Her "Yes."
Me "Are these yours?" and hand her the prints.
Her "How much is that?"
Me "Are you all done? Are you finished?"
Her "No I'm going to do some email."
Me "Its OK you pay for it all together at the end."
Friday, February 18, 2005
Me "How many prints have you got there?"
Her "Can't you count?"
Me "Pardon?"
Her "Can't you count?"
Suck my cock bitch! Your travel guide forgot to mention, in some cultures being rude is considered rude.
Her "Can't you count?"
Me "Pardon?"
Her "Can't you count?"
Suck my cock bitch! Your travel guide forgot to mention, in some cultures being rude is considered rude.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Her "$2.00 for 15 minutes is it?"
Me "Yep"
Her "Do we just pay when we're finished?"
Me "Yep"
So she takes the price list over to the computer with her.
Me Oi old cunt come back with my price list. Some other cunt probably wants to know how much it is as well.
Me "Yep"
Her "Do we just pay when we're finished?"
Me "Yep"
So she takes the price list over to the computer with her.
Me Oi old cunt come back with my price list. Some other cunt probably wants to know how much it is as well.
Her "that should be 15 minutes."
Me "Yep thats $2.00 thanks."
Her "Lets see if I can make a dollar out of this stupid change."
Me yes thats exactly what I want all your stupid fucken change. Fuck off.
Me "Yep thats $2.00 thanks."
Her "Lets see if I can make a dollar out of this stupid change."
Me yes thats exactly what I want all your stupid fucken change. Fuck off.
Him "How much is it?"
Me "All of the prices are just here."
So he gets the price list and takes it to his computer.
Can you explain to me the difference between a price list and a menu.
Me "All of the prices are just here."
So he gets the price list and takes it to his computer.
Can you explain to me the difference between a price list and a menu.
Her "Excuse me do you have a calculator I could borrow for a second?"
Me "Theres a caluclator on the computers."
Her "Is there one on the computer?"
Me "Theres a caluclator on the computers."
Her "Is there one on the computer?"
Him reaking of cigarette smoke man "I'm from Pomeroys cafe across the road. And we're starting up a cafe in the new information centre. And they want to have 2 or three of these machines in there. Do you know where I can get them from?"
Me "You probably want coin operated ones? I've no idea really. Doesn't Auroura tech have something to do with information centre. They'd be the people to ask."
Heres an idea I want to start up in competion with you, where do I get my plant from?
Me "You probably want coin operated ones? I've no idea really. Doesn't Auroura tech have something to do with information centre. They'd be the people to ask."
Heres an idea I want to start up in competion with you, where do I get my plant from?
Her "Do you have a calculator I could use?"
Me "Thers one one the computer under Programs Accessories."
Me "Thers one one the computer under Programs Accessories."
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Him "Usually when I go to my bank site it is https but its not its http."
Me "Okay try another computer if you like."
Him "Its not the computer, its your thing that blocks frames."
Me "There is no thing that blocks frames. If theres a problem with the computer use a different one."
He goes to different page where the adverts are blocked, "See here the frames are blocked."
Me "No your confused, the adverts are blocked. There are no frames that are blocked."
Him "The frames are blocked and I don't think its very kind."
Me you have a problem with that computer. I've offered you a solution - to use another computer. You have rejected that solution, so shut the fuck up. Stop complaining, stop telling me your crazzy thoughts.
Him "You see I have friend they used the internet and then the next day all the money was gone from thier account. I use a secret code."
Me "Okay try another computer if you like."
Him "Its not the computer, its your thing that blocks frames."
Me "There is no thing that blocks frames. If theres a problem with the computer use a different one."
He goes to different page where the adverts are blocked, "See here the frames are blocked."
Me "No your confused, the adverts are blocked. There are no frames that are blocked."
Him "The frames are blocked and I don't think its very kind."
Me you have a problem with that computer. I've offered you a solution - to use another computer. You have rejected that solution, so shut the fuck up. Stop complaining, stop telling me your crazzy thoughts.
Him "You see I have friend they used the internet and then the next day all the money was gone from thier account. I use a secret code."
Friday, February 11, 2005
Her "Whats the storty with the silver leaf? Is it a symbol of New Zealand or something"
(Most people would call it a silver fern)
Me "I suppose so yes."
Me to her mate "Thats $2.00 thanks."
Her mate "How much is it per 15 minutes?"
(Wanting it to be $1.00 not $2.00)
Me "Its $2.00 for 15 minutes." and point out the price list.
(Most people would call it a silver fern)
Me "I suppose so yes."
Me to her mate "Thats $2.00 thanks."
Her mate "How much is it per 15 minutes?"
(Wanting it to be $1.00 not $2.00)
Me "Its $2.00 for 15 minutes." and point out the price list.
Woman form planet bitch "Are you ready to go there mate?"
Me "Nope its still comming its going to 2 minutes or so."
Woman form planet bitch "Its shouldn't take that long, you just have to push a button. What sort of scanner do you have."
Me, you are so close to being told to fuck off. Should I tell all the other customers to wait while I scan your photo, or shall I do the other stuff I have to do as well?
Me "Nope its still comming its going to 2 minutes or so."
Woman form planet bitch "Its shouldn't take that long, you just have to push a button. What sort of scanner do you have."
Me, you are so close to being told to fuck off. Should I tell all the other customers to wait while I scan your photo, or shall I do the other stuff I have to do as well?
Her "We're just here to ask untill what time are you open tonight?"
Me "Probably 9pm"
Her "Is there some where else thats open late?"
Me laughing "No I'll probably be here till 9 or 10, but maybe not."
Me "Probably 9pm"
Her "Is there some where else thats open late?"
Me laughing "No I'll probably be here till 9 or 10, but maybe not."
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Him "Do you have bus? We are looking for a job."
Her "Can I conncet my USB pen to your computers?"
Me "No sorry."
Her "Why not?"
Me "Because I say so." and beacuse they're my computers just like you stated in your first question. And it was yes no question and its not open for debate.
Me "No sorry."
Her "Why not?"
Me "Because I say so." and beacuse they're my computers just like you stated in your first question. And it was yes no question and its not open for debate.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Its 29 degrees C in here.
Her "Do you have a computer I can use?"
Me "Yep, just anyone you like."
Her "Which one is the coolest?"
Me "That one there number 19 is by the door its probably the best."
Her "Do I just go ahead and use it? How do you keep track."
Me "I just write down the time you start."
Her "Do I need to write down the time I start?"
Me "No."
Her "Do you just belive me?"
Me "No, I write down the time you start."
Her "Do you have a computer I can use?"
Me "Yep, just anyone you like."
Her "Which one is the coolest?"
Me "That one there number 19 is by the door its probably the best."
Her "Do I just go ahead and use it? How do you keep track."
Me "I just write down the time you start."
Her "Do I need to write down the time I start?"
Me "No."
Her "Do you just belive me?"
Me "No, I write down the time you start."
Him "I want to right click but I can't."
Me "Yep thats correct, the right click has been turned off. You can use control N for a new window."
Him "Why is that is it a a security risk?"
Me deep breath "The right click is turned off so you can't do 'Save target as' and bypass the cache."
Him "Yep but I have bunch of results form google and I want to right click to open the results in a new window. Can you not turn it on."
Me "I could turn it on if I really wanted to. But I dont want to."
Him "I dont get it. I've been to a few places and they have the right click turned off."
Me yes I thought maybe you would get it thats why I told you why its like that, but really I was expecting too much.
Me "Yep thats correct, the right click has been turned off. You can use control N for a new window."
Him "Why is that is it a a security risk?"
Me deep breath "The right click is turned off so you can't do 'Save target as' and bypass the cache."
Him "Yep but I have bunch of results form google and I want to right click to open the results in a new window. Can you not turn it on."
Me "I could turn it on if I really wanted to. But I dont want to."
Him "I dont get it. I've been to a few places and they have the right click turned off."
Me yes I thought maybe you would get it thats why I told you why its like that, but really I was expecting too much.
Her "Your computer has a problem."
No I think its much more likley you have a problem. I'm pretty sure my computer is fine, and its something that you did.
No I think its much more likley you have a problem. I'm pretty sure my computer is fine, and its something that you did.
Him "How much is it for camera to CD?"
Me "Depends how big your card is but basically $7.00" and I show him all the prices.
Him "Its a three twenty six mega bytes."
Me "Sorry?"
Him "Its a [insert some other random number I didnt get] mega bytes."
Me "Sorry I didnt get that."
Him "Its about seven hundred and twenty six mega bytes on it."
Me "Okay that'll be $11."
Him "Okay the other one is cheaper."
Well fucken zee offski
Me "Depends how big your card is but basically $7.00" and I show him all the prices.
Him "Its a three twenty six mega bytes."
Me "Sorry?"
Him "Its a [insert some other random number I didnt get] mega bytes."
Me "Sorry I didnt get that."
Him "Its about seven hundred and twenty six mega bytes on it."
Me "Okay that'll be $11."
Him "Okay the other one is cheaper."
Well fucken zee offski
